PandaBaby is True Fiction.

Welcome to my Pandababy Blog. A panda bear is an unlikely animal - a bear that eats bamboo - a contradiction in every aspect. This blog is true fiction, also a contradiction in its essence. Yet both are real, both exist - the bear and the blog. Both can only be described by contradictory terms, such as true fiction. Please be pleased to enjoy these stories of our ancestors. They are True Fiction. Every person in my blog lived in the time and place indicated. They are my ancestors and relatives, and their friends.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Like a trip to the dentist only cheaper -

Take one (former) shopaholic. Give her a Ph.D. in psychology and ten years experience treating over-shopping. Publish her book about how to get free of the vast consumer conspiracy surrounding us, and you have Dr. April Lane Benson and her vital new book: To Buy or Not to Buy.

This is not a comfortable book for me to read. I find my behavior unmasked and as undeniable as my shoulder-length gray hair. Have I used shopping to feel better about myself? Yes. Have I used shopping to avoid confronting a situation I want to avoid? Yes. Have I used shopping as a weapon to express anger? Yes. Sometimes to all of the above, and other questions in chapter one.

Like a trip to the dentist, confronting my negative behavior and the psychology behind it can be painful, but also healing. I love this book, because there is healing in getting the rot out. Dr. Benson offers a way to find authentic happiness to replace the false esteem of keeping up with (or exceeding) the 'Joneses'. She points out the relentless consumerism driving our economy, with tentacles invading our consciousness through stores, malls, television, catalogs, Internet and even cell phone shopping. She uncovers the true cost of credit card purchases, and documents the ways invisible forces demand that we buy "more more more and now now now".

Knowledge is power. Self-knowledge is the power to change. To Buy or Not to Buy is a tool that can enable us to get free of our compulsive shopping. If you are confident that you don't have any shopping addictions, I challenge you to go to a bookstore and browse her book - consider the many ways we can fool ourselves into buying things to fill an emotional hole rather than a material need. I recognized some of my buying patterns in her analysis, and also patterns of friends and relatives.

Our materialistic society is even more insidious than I suspected. There is compassion and not condemnation in Dr. Benson's words. I recommend her book and I will be spending the next three months working through all the exercises. I have two pages of notes this morning, a start to the journal she recommends keeping. There is no such thing as an insignificant cavity - as we all know, sooner or later it will destroy the tooth. I am going to be working on the occasional - but not insignificant - ways that I over-shop, and expect that the result will be good, even if the process is sometimes painful. I want to fix the ways that I over-shop. I need to fix buying things to repair my mood, hold onto love, fit into society, and feel in control.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Grey or Grey - sad either way:

Grey or Grey - sad either way:  fog, mist, indistinct, dismal, pale, cloudy, gloomy, dull, hoary, and also ashen, drab, dusty, mousy, grizzled, smoky, somber. All of which describes both the sky here this past week, and increasingly so, my mood as well. This is the time of year I start daydreaming about running away to live on a sunny, tropical beach. That would not be a southern Australian beach right now, with their record-breaking heat wave last week amid highs over 113 degrees. I'm thinking Boca Raton, Florida, with a forecast of sunny and high in the 70's most of next week, and silky beach sand, tropical water both warm and clear. (Well, I can dream, can't I?) There is a saying here in Oregon - "If you don't like the weather, no problem - just wait a few minutes and it will change." So. I'm waaaaiting.